To be honest, it has been very tough. The last month has been a completely exhausting blur. Each day is just about surviving. The weekends are all about running errands, preparing for the upcoming week and attempting to keep the house somewhat clean after the week's chaos.
Down time? What the heck is that? After work, I am always doing something, whether it is cleaning up after a meal, preparing for the next meal, washing endless loads of laundry, packing the diaper bag, paying bills, fitting in appointments, getting Audrey ready for bed, maybe working out halfheartedly when I’d rather be in bed sleeping, paying attention to the cat who thinks that all these changes affect him the most, all while trying to spend quality time with Audrey.
The day home transition has been a lot harder than we thought. I knew that napping would be a challenge since Audrey naps best at home in her crib but I figured a couple weeks and she would adjust to her new surroundings. Five weeks in and she still doesn't consistently nap well. Some days she will sleep for 2.5 hours and other days she is lucky to get 30 minutes.
We have had a few hiccups with the day home on top of the napping issues. We are going to give it a little more time before making any changes but it’s been tough to deal with along with everything else.
The actual transition back to work hasn't been too difficult. While there have been a lot of changes while I was away, I'm finding everything is coming back to me. There have been a few issues I've had to deal with but for the most part things have been manageable at the office.
And have I mentioned that Audrey still doesn't sleep through the night? I swear she has a radar for my head hitting the pillow. Doesn't matter what time it is, as soon as I lie down and turn out the lights, she wakes up. Plus she wakes up at least 1-3x in the night. I've been recruiting hubby to help get her back to sleep since we are both working parents now. Sometimes she goes back to sleep with just some rocking and back rubs but other times she just wants to nurse. It's so hard to deny her that when our nursing sessions are so rare these days. So yah, I'm a walking zombie.
I currently have to be up at 5am so I can be out the door by 6am and at the office by 7am. My commute is probably what I hate the most and it sucks all my energy at the end of the day. The upside to an early start is that I am done work by 3pm, home by 4pm. Even with a long commute it’s nice to be home early enough so I get a few hours with Audrey before bed time.
Since our roles have reversed, and hubby is now the one getting Audrey up and ready in the morning, I usually do the bed time routine. While I enjoy the time that I spend with her and all the snuggles while reading her stories, I miss that 45 minutes of quiet time that I used to get when J would put Audrey to bed each night. I could sneak in a workout, do some cleaning, or just relax. Now I feel like I never get a break. Literally, since I don’t even take lunch breaks at work.
I am trying to look at the positive aspects of the situation and be thankful for all that I do have because as challenging as it is being a working mom, I am lucky to have this opportunity- to be a mom and to have a good career. Rather than focus on all the things I feel I am missing out on, I need to look at how this is benefiting my family, and me. It is hard right now but I know it will get easier. Right??
|Yes, I can!|